10 hottest men in cricket

Don't judge please. I love this sport for what it is but these guys make it so much more fun to watch! And of course I had to do this; it's been delayed long enough. Let's start at the bottom -  oh and before I forget, Virat Kohli is an honorable mention.

10) Sangakkara - He may not be the best looking guy on the field but he's well educated (a law undergrad!) and he has that I-know-what-I'm-doing look on his face even when Lanka might be losing miserably. Also, he speaks so eloquently and he's always grammatically correct which is a huge plus. He's totally the guy you want to have when having heavy discussions about politics, government or anything generally intellectual. He’s the guy you want to take to dinner to meet the fam.

9) Stuart Broad - Let's get the negatives out of the way first. Broad is probably the biggest cry baby on the field. He whines, gets frustrated, turns bright red, throws tantrums and hurls the ball at the batsman when things are not going his way. But this is totally objective and I'm going to put aside his displays of poor sportsman ship. Have you ever noticed how he screws up his face and squints his eyes during the run up, just before he bowls? It's actually quite adorable. He would look precious in a Peter Pan costume too..I think it has something to do with his pinched, slightly upturned nose; he’s rather pixie-ish looking. Just saying. 

8) Hamish Bennett and Tim Southee –  Bennett; new kid on the New Zealand block.  He’s tall, broad with this awesome shade of chocolate brown hair and one of the best bodies in cricket. Plus, he’s just 23. He’s the guy you want to go on a road trip with; he’d look great in a pair of jeans.

Tim Southee; the pride of New Zealand . He’s also 20 something from what I remember, maybe even a teenager. He’s one of the best bowlers Zealand has to offer at the moment and he’s slowly showing more personality on the pitch. His rare bursts of aggression are rather appealing so watch out for those during the World Cup. He’s the guy you want to chill out with; he has a cool temperament. 

7) Wasim Akram – Even though he’s one of the older players, he looks too damn good for his age. Wasim Akram fills out a fitted shirt like no one else can; he’s got those awesome biceps and he’s not afraid to show ‘em! 

6) Younis Khan – Younis Khan has come into his own in recent times! He’s all tanned with those green eyes and the contagious smile. Also, those who haven’t seen him in a suit, should google that just now! He looks like a million bucks in those sharp, formal suits. He looks like a movie star really when he dresses up. 

5) Shane Watson – Watson is another example of one of the best bodies and best hair in cricket. He’s one of those guys when you find out are married, you think ‘Oh shit no!’  He’s like a bar of Twix: tall, golden and smooth.  He’s the guy you want to ogle at. 

4) Shahid Afridi – The recent hair cut Shahid Afridi’s been sporting has bumped him up slightly in my ratings. He’s always had the best hair in cricket, in my opinion. He’s one of those larger than life players; people love him even when he doesn’t score a damn thing and captains the team to failure after failure. He’s really photogenic too. You just can’t help but love the Lala! As long as you don't get him to talk, he's the guy you want to take you to a rock concert; I've always wanted to see him in a leather jacket.

3) James Anderson – Anderson is your typical pretty boy. What is it with most of these English players?! They’re so friggin pretty…they’re prettier than some of the girls I know.  He’s the guy you want to take to prom/dinner/shaadi etc. Okay, I just pictured him in a sherwani and now I’m tempted to promote him slightly…

2) Imran Khan – Imran Khan has what every girl wants in a guy: looks, height, personality and talent. 

1) Mitchell Jhonson – Anyone who knows me would’ve known Jhonson would be at the top of this list. I never thought I would say this about anyone but watching Jhonson run in slow mo, when they replay the ball bowled, is a treat for the eyes. Also, now he’s been promoted up in the batting order to no. 4; now the guy’s a triple threat! Jhonson’s body is perfect and he has those biceps that are ripped by just the right amount. Who cares if he gives too many runs? WHO CARES?! Anyone that gorgeous can give away as many runs as he wants! (as long he doesn’t bowl for Pakistan) He’s the guy you do everything you can to get to Sri Lanka for, holding the sign, “Jhonson, I want you. So bad"

The Circle Of Misery

Do you sometimes feel like your ‘tunes can read your mind? I mean you’ll be thinking something and a song starts playing that applies to your current situation perfectly. Or it could be the other way round and a song that sounds like it’s mocking the irony that is blatantly obvious to you about a certain situation, suddenly pops up. Even when your ‘tunes is set to shuffle. Most of the people I know would say it’s usually the latter rather than the former. Maybe I just don’t hang out with too many happy people. But that’s okay ‘cause nobody wants a happy, shiny, smiley Miley Cyrus for a best friend, right? If your friends seem to fit into that category and seem too happy, then you’ve been left out of their inner circle that is the The Circle Of Misery. See, this is the place where all the real shit goes down. If you haven’t been part of conversations like:

“This is the last time I swear, I’m never touching the stuff after this, I swear”

“I’ve been rejected 8 times! You think I have any self esteem left?!”

“Man, I need to have a fling. And I don’t mean fling the door!”

“I’m a bitch. This machar biting me should do just that. Cause I deserve it”

 “I made a big mistake leaving the band. I regret it every damn day. But I can’t tell them”

“Jahandad mein bahut sex hai”

Yes. The first step is to accept that you’re miserable. Denial will get you nowhere if you want to be a part of this circle. So admit it and then call up your  closest friends and set up a meeting and drown your sorrows in a bottle or bottles (in me and my friends’ case) of diet Pepsi  (whoever set the norm that diving into a tub of ice cream would make you less miserable? It would make you feel worse the next day. Why dispose those extra calories on your ass?!)

You’ve been kept in the dark if you’ve never heard your friends say stuff like that out loud. They think you’re made of sugar, have cupcakes for breakfast, wear Care Bear merchandise under your clothes, cry during Titanic, use the word ‘babes’ and just can’t take in and digest all that is wrong in their lives.  

 It’s actually really easy making your place in the Circle Of Misery if you’re really honest.

Almost every group has one. I think it should formally be called what it is and we should hold meetings and pledge like, “Hi. My name is Makaiwala and I’m miserable”

Instead of feeling like you’re the only one swimming in a pool of egg yolk, you’ll know you’re not alone. You’ll be assured that there are others with you, sticky from head to toe, reeking of the same nauseating smell of yolk.  I bet that put a grand smile on your miserable face, sunny side up.

3:54 am.

I was going to write something totally witty/ funny but Atif Aslam’s Billy Jean started playing on my ‘tunes and I have lost all train of thought! I ate two small Hershey’s chocolates to try to shake off the experience of listening to the ridiculous tongue rolling in all the wrong places to try to develop some sort of ridiculous accent which he finds absolutely necessary.  This, however, is not an Atif Aslam bashing; that has been overdone thankfully! HERSHEY’SHERSHEY’SHERSHEY’S! MITCHELL JHONSON RUNNING DOWN THE PITCH! Ugh. It’s no use. My poor ear has been taken by surprise. This is what will ring in it all night:

“…HAYE! People always told meeih! Be careful whatchu do

Uh don’t go around baking young girls hearts

Yeh mama always told meeihaah!

Be careful who you love

Be careful whatchu do because the lie becomes… AAAYAAY (?!!)

Bull-lly Jean is not my…LOVA!!!

She’s just a guuu-uuul

She says I….I am the one…says I’m the wooooo-onnnnnayeeeeee”

Good night.